MarySue Mania
by brainyravenclaw5
Summary: Harry and Hermione strive to rid the Wizarding World of the dreaded Mary-Sues.
1. Full Summary

You see them all over fanfiction sites everywhere. You see them and groan and then flame the story. But who are these so called "Mary-Sues?"

Follow your favorite Hogwartians as they attempt to seek the truth and eliminate these perfect annoyances from fanfiction. Will they succeed?

You'll have to keep reading to find out. Do you have the guts?


	2. Savannah Sue

Harry and Hermione had just finished saving Sirius and Buckbeak. As Hermione started to take off the time-turner, Harry gripped her arm and thrust out his watch at Hermione. "Wait, Mione. My watch is glowing. You know what that means..."

Hermione gasped. "Another Mary-Sue!" Glancing at Harry's Mary-Sue locating watch to determine the location, quickly slipped the time-turned back on and wound it up. Harry closed his eyes.

Whoosh! They were off.

Savannah stepped onto the Hogwarts Express with a nervous bearing. Her little hands tightly gripped the silver cage in which a pure white owl hooted softly. The little hands spread to tiny wrists, and thin arms, petite, tan and slender.

As everyone in the compartment saw the rest of her, they couldn't help but stare. Long silver hair flowed down her back like a glimmering waterfall, stopping only inches above the floor. A single strand hung over her shoulder like a river twisting down the front of a red oriental dress, altered, of course, to fit her shapely hips.

Deep blue eyes that a man could fall into blinked slowly as she looked around. Drool dribbled down the side of an onlooker's cheek. Savannah blushed.

"Excuse me," she whispered, the voice sounding like a melody. The train compartment was entranced. Savannah walked, no, glided through to the back and entered into the next car. In it were four boys, seventh years by the look of them. The boys' jaws dropped as she closed the door behind her.

"Hello. May I sit here?" Savannah practically sang. One of the boys, one with long black hair pulled back in a ponytail, stood and took her small hand.

"Of course, you may, darling. I'm Sirius Black. Who are you?"

"Savannah McGonagall. I'm her niece."

"You must be a Veela," the boy known as Remus Lupin whispered, still staring. "You're much to beautiful to be mortal."

Savannah blushed again.

"Well, I don't like it to get out, but yes, my mother is a Veela. Father was Aunt Minny's brother."

James Potter smiled, all thoughts of Lily Evans gone from his head. Peter Pettigrew blushed into his lap.

This veela girl is too beautiful for words, he thought. And on top of that, she's the niece of a professor. How ironically un-canon. But whatever...

Savannah sat between James and Sirius, and began a conversation. The boys were blushing and stammering, which was very OOC, but no one seemed to notice. Except Savannah. She excused herself so she could change into her school robes.

Outside of the compartment, Savannah pulled out a magic mirror. "Come in MS Headquarters! I have infiltrated a canon-friendship! Prepare for next stage in total world takeover!" she whispered. Savannah slipped the mirror back into her pocket, and then sauntered into the compartment.

Remus blinked, very confused. "Didn't you go to change, Savannah?" The girl smiled sweetly. Just as she opened her mouth to reply, the door burst open.

Hermione and Harry stood there, brandishing wands and out of breath from searching for the Mary-Sue.

"Freeze!" Harry cried. He pinned Savannah's arms behind her back fiercely, as she struggled against him.

Hermione glared at the Marauders, daring them to move.

"Help!" Savannah cried, thrashing against Harry. He tied rope around her wrists. "No one will help you, Mary-Sue!"

Peter scratched his head. "Mary-Who? That's Savannah, the most beautiful girl I've ever met!" he yelled.

"Harry, I think her Mary-Sueness is rubbing off on them!" Hermione said, tying a rope around Savannah's ankles.

"What is a Mary-Sue?"

Harry and Hermione ignored Remus. They concentrated and mumbled a spell. Savannah disappeared.

"Are you serious?" James cried, sad to see the veela girl go.

Sirius shook his head. "No, I am!" Harry and Hermione rolled their eyes and stood up. "Don't worry, you'll understand one day," Hermione promised.

"One Mary-Sue down, countless more to go," Harry said.

Hermione turned the time-turner and they were soon on their magical way. Saving the world, one Mary-Sue at a time.


	3. Gwen the Great

Once upon a time, there was a wizard girl named Gwendolyn Malfoy. She was Scorpius's twin sister, and she looked exactly like her mother, (Hermione Granger) except that Gwen's hair was long, brown and wavy with purple streaks, pink highlights and blond on the tips, but it was cropped short with strands of blue, green, black, red, magenta and other colors in it.

Her eyes were colorless, but they looked gray in the winter, green in the spring, blue in the summer, and brown in the fall, and they looked hazel in the dark and magenta in the light.

She dressed awesomely, in very fashionable yet time period appropriate wizard clothes, from a very fashionable yet time period appropriate wizard clothing store, because her parents gave her as much money as she wanted. But Gwen wasn't spoiled. Perfect people never are.

Gwen hung out with Albus and Lily Potter, Hugo and Rose Weasley and was dating James Potter, even though every other boy she had ever met liked her. Gwen wanted to break up with James, because she was secretly dating Albus, Hugo, Louis Weasley, and Teddy Lupin, and didn't want to affect their friendship because of this.

Gwendolyn was in sixth year on the Gryffindor Quidditch team , but she was a rotational player, and played every single position by herself, because she was so perfect and amazingly talented. She was so smart that she skipped two years at Hogwarts, even though every die-hard Harry Potter fan would claim this was totally impossible. Gwen was just that perfect and amazing.

But really, she wasn't a wizard, a veela, or even a *shudder* Mary-Sue. Gwendolyn Malfoy was a Mary-Suebot, a new technology that implied perfection with a chip in the back of the neck. But all of that was soon going to change, hopefully.

Present Harry and Hermione had contacted their past-selves, (The Association for the Extermination of Mary-Sues, or AEMS for short) and they were on their way. But not fast enough.

One day, as Gwen skipped through the forest, the birds were singing because she was so beautiful, and perfect, and talented, and... whoa, lost my train of thought. Anyway, a bunch of birds were making noises, got it? Good. Moving on, she passed James, Albus, Hugo, Louis and Teddy, who were having a duel of who would get to ask for Gwen's hand in marriage, and Rose, Lily, Dominique, Molly and Lucy were fighting over who got to be Gwen's best friend. So it was a good day. But not for long. As Gwen contacted Mary-Sue headquarters, she knew the world domination plan was almost completed.

Their mission: to replace every canon character with a Mary-Sue or Gary Stu, until the universe was filled with annoyingly perfect people who ruin every media franchise. Good plan? They thought so.

"Freeze!"

Two teenagers, who looked very familiar appeared out of nowhere. The boy slapped handcuffs on her wrists.

Gwen studied the girl. "Mum!" she cried, horrified.

Hermione screamed. "I have a Mary-Sue as a daughter? Harry, quick, we have to get rid of her!" she pointed her wand at Gwendolyn and muttered a few words.

Poof!

They duo sighed. "She was probably the creation of another Dramione lover, who gave me another child," Hermione said, immensely relieved.

Harry patted the witch's shoulder very sympathetically.

"Don't worry, Harry. We'll meet one of your Mary-Sue kids soon enough. Maybe a Drarry lover created him/her. That would be exciting. And weird."

Harry shuddered. No other words were necessary.


	4. Nagini's Tale

**_A/N: I don't own Harry Potter. PS: I decided to Mary Sue bash one of my own stories, When in Rome, Do as the Romans Do. When I wrote, I didn't know what a Mary-Sue was, but I think she qualifies. So here it is! Enjoy, R&R, por favor! _**

**Hermione**: In a private interview with Voldemort's most trusted Death Eater, Nagini, she revealed her thoughts on Samantha Lestrange, the Mary-Sue daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange.

**Harry:** As a Parselmouth, I've taken the liberty of translating her words, so those who aren't fluent on Parseltongue.

**Nagini**: Sssssssss hisssss sssss... I have a story to tell too, you know.

**Hermione**: What is it about? Nagini: Hisss ssssss sssss hisssssss... It's about an annoying Mary Sue. She was Bellatrix's daughter, who infiltrated Hogwarts, to betray Harry Potter, befriended the Golden Trio in five minutes, and won the affections of Harry Potter and George Weasley, blah blah blah.

**Harry**: What did you dislike about Samantha? Nagini: Sssssssss ssssss hissssssss... She was not a true Death Eater. She was a phony with a weak heart. She quickly turned and joined the light side. Traitor.

**Hermione**: Really? I thoughts she was very nice.

**Nagini**: Hisssssss sssssssss sssssss ssss... I suppose, but she was not worthy to be a daughter of Bellatrix. However, this author made Bellatrix completely OOC. She welcomed a Weasley into her home, and didn't even attempt to get rid of the blood-traitor fifth, and let her daughter date him.

**Harry**: Do you have any additional thoughts on her Mary-Sueness?

**Nagini**: Ssssss hissssss ssssssss hisssssss... Samantha was Mary-Sue in every way. She was a flawless person who interacted with just about every canon character you (or the author) could think of! Just the thought of that blood-traitor pureblood filth sickens me. She wasn't worthy of the Dark Mark, or anything else pertaining to my master.

**Hermione**: There you have it, folks, the effects of a Mary-Sue on a slightly-less than innocent person... err... snake.

**Nagini**: Hssssssss hssssss ssssss hisss... This interview is making me upset. I think I shall eat you two now.

**Harry**: Um... I think that's our cue to leave, Mione.

**Hermione**: You think! I know!


End file.
